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Sunday, August 27th, 2006
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Hey boys and girls. Go to YouTube and be ready to be amazed at the pukiness of it all!
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Monday, February 20th, 2006
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Well, here's my biannual livejournal update. i don't like this things anymore. Now, I only use it to read comics they don't publish in Bozeman.
I'm working on a TV show now. It's a sketch show started by a couple guys who graduated from the film program in the last two years. I was recruited as a writer and an actor. This may be the most important thing to happen to me in the last couple years, besides losing the cure for AIDS I accidentally discovered while bareback riding a couple of cats I roped together (I didn't lose the cure for cat AIDS, I'm just not going to share it).
I'm going to apply to grad film schools. I would love to go to NYU, but the chances of me getting in are slim, since I don't have a lot of recognizable talent. I don't have the money or the talent, but a girl can always dream. It may be the most important thing to happen to me in the last couple years.
One time this guy went for a hike and then came back to his house and I was there when he started eating this burrito and when he took his first bite his head exploded. It may be the most important thing to happen to me in the last couple of years.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, December 9th, 2005
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I took a big chance (in my introverted view of things) and asked this girl on a date tonight. We went and had drinks.
then we... teehee... teehee... then we... teehee... we kissed... teehee.
I haven't been this happy for so long. SO LONG! teehee.
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Comments: Read 7 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, November 20th, 2005
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hey Alex is here
I've lived in this house for almost two years and just today I noticed the wallpaper patterns in the bathroom upstairs. I think that means it is a good wallpaper.
OKAY, I've got some shit to get off my chest. I hate this city. I'm fuckin tried of it. And I'm sorry that I have to use my blog to write this shit but there's no one in this city who would care about anything I'm gonna complain about.
I got all prettied up tonight. Showered, shaved, and put on cologne for the first time in a couple months, just to return home from the downtown bars a mere fifteen minutes after getting there.
I'm gonna use a hypothetical situation to illustrate the most frustrating part about Bozeman. There's this girl, I don't know her name or really anything about her. She's blonde, she studies biofilm technology, and has a flat western Asia-lookin face. I see her everywhere; every weekend at some different bar, I see her when I'm working, walking to class, everywhere, but I've never talked to her. If I were in a big city I might talk to her just to figure out why I see her all the time, at least to ask her name. Everyone in this town is like that. I see them all the time, everywhere, but I can't talk to any of them. No one cares here, they're all content to just ignore the people they see consantly.
There are people here who I used to see and talk to all the time but will purposefully avoid eye contact with me when I walk by them on campus. I STARE at them. Everyone here is like that. I don't understand it at all. I mean, this is how homeless people slowly go insane, since everyone ignores them they lose the concept of their own existence.
The worst part about tonight though, there's this girl I like (I have to feel fuckin guilty for admitting it too) that I spent last week with, but for some reason is avoiding me now. I have no idea why. Usually I have some idea but this time no clue. She's at a bar right now, a bar filled to the gills with drunk, hornery, loyal school fans (we had our civil war football game today and won) and I'm sure some guy, at least six inches taller than I, is chattin' her up.
I don't have a problem with that, but now I'm at home practicin reverse voyeurism gettin things off my chest. When you're happy and content to spend every weekend doing the same thing, getting drunk with your friends, it's fine. But sometimes you almost see an exit, some latenight discussion about crushes, and you have hope. When things don't work out it's not too personally difficult, it's just so hard to go back to the same things and people (no offense Tjones) when for a second your subconscious began to change it's attitude.
Ya know I could go to the bar but I heard there's a fuckin line outside and if I got inside and had the luck to find her, I'd probably just stand there feeling like a complete asshole while she politely tries to acknowledge me. It'd be weird, I'd rather save gas and just sit here and feel like an asshole.
And I know this fuckin Myspace blog isn't gonna help matters any, so I sit and wait for the god damn alcohol to wear off before I can go to sleep.
Post Script: Today, after the football game, some fuckin shithead got so drunk he fell down a flight of concrete stairs. Normally I wouldn't care, fuckin drunk idiots hurt themselves all the time, but because he fell on this staircase I couldn't go down it with my heavy as shit box of food I was carrying. I had to walk across the building and use the other staircase. I was pissed cause it was probably the heaviest box I've had to carry in a while.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, November 15th, 2005
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I am not coming home for thanksgiving. I am coming home for Christmas break. Everybody start your boners!
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005
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Tuesday, November 1st, 2005
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| Time: | 8:45 am. |
| Mood: | flarnge. |
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Everybody listen to my radio show tonight from midnight to three mountain time. Access this magic at www.kglt.com and get streaming audio!
It'll be worth cause I'll be doing the entire show NAKED!
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, September 28th, 2005
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I made this really long post last night about why I don't like myself. IT WAS SOOSOSSSOSOOOOOOO SAD! But I hit the little question mark by the tags entry and it erased it all. Probably better that way cause you guys would have been CRYING! SOOOOOOOO SAD!
So I've finally realized that I have an OCD like need to pick at my skin. About once a week at least, usually more often, I'll sit on my bed after a shower and pick at my skin for an hour or two. Completely lifeless except for my eyes roaming my skin and my blood covered fingernails. I've been doing this for six years or so. And it doesn't matter how hard I try and stop I can't keep myself from doing it.
Another reason I don't like myself is because I'm so afraid of women and I can't rationalize why. Every time I make a new female friend later they'll end up telling me that when they met me I seemed really stand-ofish or mean or quite. And it's just because I was afraid of them.
This kind of thing went on and on in the last night post. It was one of those obnoxious posts thate everyone skims and says "Jesus, just kill yourself." Or that's what I say at least about those posts. Actually, I say those about all posts. And also to people in person. Also I give them the finger.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, September 1st, 2005
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I'm sick of these assholes who walk around with their fucking Puddle of Mud crew shirts, three times too big, that say "Crew are people too." SHUT THE FUCK UP! Do fuckin' custodians walk around with tshirts saying "Thank your local custodian" or some stupid shit? No, they wear normal custodial clothing. Fucking crew assholes wear shirts that say "Caution: Does not play well with others" or their Kelly Clarkson crew shirts to show that *gay voice* yes indeed I am crew and I'm not afraid to say it.
That's why we hate you and you are not people because you're a dumbass who wears clothes too witty for the likes of my normal brain and you drink Miller High Life and you smoke Virginia Slims.
I hate you.
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Wednesday, August 31st, 2005
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Yesterday i got steak sauce in my eye and it hurt so bad I couldn't laugh at myself.
I wonder if you knew a christian and everytime he asked you why you did something stupid like push him over his railing you said, "God made me do it." Do you think that would convert him? To murder?
Today during my stupid film class the teacher was asking us why we haven't seen certain movies, etc., i kind of zoned out. Then, he asked, "What would you do if you didn't have the money that spielberg had to depict Normandy?" The first thing that popped into my mind, without any purposeful attempt to be a smartass, was, "use cats."
I freaked out this girl in my psyc 100 class when my friend pulled out her ticket to Kelly Clarkson and I yelled "Kelly" and grabbed the ticket and tried to lick it. It was worth it though cause I was laughin' real hard.
I might get to go to Great Falls, MT this weekend to work on a car commercial. Whoopee! But probably not. Whoopee!
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, August 27th, 2005
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If Gretchen Wilson can be popular I think I'm gonna write a song about being a bastard son, and then pander to the bastard children of the world and create my own brand of fierce BASTARD ROCK!
Then, I'll fizzle out and in fifteen years when they play my one bastard hit young people playing pool in bars will ask, "Oh, who is?" "I think it's... Lyle Lovett." "I hate this song. I hate Lyle Lovett."
TAKE THAT LOVETT!
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Thursday, August 25th, 2005
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When this kind of shit happens I want to pull a '68 George Taylor on 'em:
"YOU MANIACS. YOU BLEW IT UP. DAMN YOU. GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL." even though it doesn't really make sense.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, August 22nd, 2005
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I'm going to start compiling my favorite movie scenes or quotes from movies I see for posterity's sake; also, so I can look back and see what I liked. Here's the first of my favortie movie moments:
When Steve Zissou asks "I wonder if he remembers me?"
-The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004)
And another:
Andy Stitzer turns into a man-o-lantern.
-The 40 Year-Old Virgin (2005)
Wedding Crashers has become the highest grossing R-rated comedy of all time, beating out the reigning movie, There's Something About Mary.
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Sunday, August 21st, 2005
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I was sitting here listening to the Dirtchamber Sessions and reading about Hunter S. Thompson getting blown up, and for some unidentifiable reason I thought "what am I gonna do with my life?" That question always comes up at the strangest times. And I can't answer it, but you know what I would like? I would like uninvited people to come to my funeral to see me off.
I've got to stop masturbating. It's making me so lazy! SO LAZY LAZY LAZY!
Last night I ran into a girl I knew and hugged her but she didn't hug me back, even though she yelled at me "JAMES! HI!"
And the last couple of days I keep seeing this realy creepy guy at the bars who reminds me of Crispin Glover. His name is Jeff.
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Friday, August 19th, 2005
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I'm glad Kanye West finally called an end to gay-bashing. I think it's about time someone stood up for the queers.
Who better to speak on behalf of the gay man's plight then an award winning, African-American, Hip Hop musician.
"[Kanye] adds that in slang, gay is 'the opposite, the exact opposite word of hip-hop.' Kanye's message: 'Not just hip-hop, but America just discriminates. And I wanna just, to come on TV and just tell my rappers, just tell my friends, 'Yo, stop it.'"
GOOD POINT KANYE! I got something of my own to say to all those uneducated assholes out there who still use the phrases "faaaaaaaag" and "gaaaaaaay" strictly pejoratively! I just got one thing to say to you backward hillbillies, you borish blights, you provincial pestilence. I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore. I'm gonna break down the walls keeping my homosexual brothers in fear from you homophobic halfwits. LET THE EARS OF THE TORMENTORS RING WITH THE WORDS I USE TO UNDUE THE EVIL OF THE WORLD: Yo, stop it.
Who knew that the exact, "exact" opposite of hip hop music was gay. Because I think Cher and Madonna incorporate a lot of hip hop into their music. Not Tori though, she's still way gay.
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I remember my strange dream I was having this morning:
I and a band of my friends, I can't remember who but I think two of them might have been Greg Winterrowd (from MSU) and Professor Frink (from Futurama), were sailing on a makeshift raft.
We found refuge under a huge stone arch in the middle of the ocean. See, we didn't know it yet but we were being followed by a white whale. We didn't know it until he started trying to swallow us, about six of us, while we were under the arch (this was a scary part of my dream).
Then, Dave Foley, in a lab coat, descends from the sky on a Mr. Gadget like helicopter out of his back or some nonsense. He said he could help us escape (YAY!). He gave us all windsurfing boards and we rode to freedom on calm, beautiful water.
We landed on a very rocky cliff covered beach and ascended the large stairs cut into the cliff wall. At the top was a little village and right on the edge was a bar (we went in there to use the bathrooms. YAY!(I had to pee pretty bad when I woke up)). In the bar I ran into the girl I made out with the other day. But also there was this other girl who was kind of a composite of every girl I've ever been attracted to, and oddly enough she looked like Leah Rue (from lincoln).
JUST THEN, from outside I heard a bellow. I ran out there to see the white whale waiting at the bottom of the cliff, and he was huge (This scared the shit out of my dreamself). The odd thing though was that the whale was made out of a windsock. He was one huge angry windsock.
A woman dressed in a wedding dress (who looked like an uglier version of Kathy Griffin) came out of the bar and wanted to climb on top of a bookshelf that was precariously propped against the outside bar wall just so she could get a better look at the whale. So I steadied the bookshelf for her and (I knew this was gonna happen in my stupid predictable dream) she fell onto my shoulders, and then I fell backwards over the cliff, propelling both of us straight at the white whale.
She was consumed immediately by the whale (who thought she was me, which scared me when I realized he was only after me the entire time) but I managed to escape up the stairs. Then, I ran into the bar to tell someone she had been eaten. Her husband, James Marsden in a military outfit, ran outside.
Then the dream ended.
This is just the most recent in a series of dreams I've had which illuminate my fear of windsocks, and that the next time I see Kathy Griffin, I'll kill her.
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Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
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Johnny7 686: "always trust in yourself and do what you know is right, trust your instincts and your friends and you will overcome evil." -Adolph Hitler
DJ RitzFit: is that a real quote?
Johnny7 686: thats a funny quote I just made up too
DJ RitzFit: haha
DJ RitzFit: "Shoot for the stars cause if you miss you'll land on the moon." -Stalin
Johnny7 686: "molest little children and rape their mothers more" -Neil Armstrong
DJ RitzFit: "I hate jews. I hate jews more than I hate cancer. KILL ALL JEWS!" -Lance Armstrong
Johnny7 686: "Kill mexicans and feed their remains to canadians. Call it 'ham,' then buy it as an import called 'canadian bacon." -Uncle Sam
DJ RitzFit: The blind leading the poor? More like the fags leading the homo-gays!" - Mr. Rogers
Johnny7 686: "rape men" -holden caufield
DJ RitzFit: haha
DJ RitzFit: what?
DJ RitzFit: what an obscure person to use
Johnny7 686: hahaha
Johnny7 686: thats a new line though
Johnny7 686: have literary figures
Johnny7 686: quoting things that they never said
Johnny7 686: in the book
DJ RitzFit: haha
DJ RitzFit: rape men
Johnny7 686: Kill your parents -harry potter
DJ RitzFit: "Why'd you go ahead and finger my butthole?" - Ahab
Johnny7 686: haha
Johnny7 686: "why don't you wax my ass hair so your penis hurts me less" -Elie Wiesel
Johnny7 686: "I love rainbows and unicorns, especially inside my sphincter" -Kurtz
DJ RitzFit: "Eight years ago I killed a man. It was an accident. He was trying to take my girlfriend's earrings and I punched him so hard his skull broke. I hurt so bad for so long but I knew then I'd never be a victim of my own fear." - Boxcar Children
DJ RitzFit: "Then the robot started breakdancing so hard that all the orphans died, but also they weren't orphans they were robot pirahnas and they shot bullets out of their mouth and killed all the real kid orphans to death." - Phillip K. Dick
Johnny7 686: you realize thats like
Johnny7 686: 110% of his stories
DJ RitzFit: yeah I know
DJ RitzFit: i thought it was still funny though
DJ RitzFit: "Elephants having sex is one of the most beautiful things to watch in the world. There's only one thing better, when you shoot the top elephant right through the brain and his weight eventually crushes the bottom elephant to death. I get so wet when that happens" - Virginia Woolf
Johnny7 686: "this one time I totally banged your mom and did anal in her too except she was a man I found out later but she was still a person except actually she didn't really exist but this guy told me about her offhandedly when we were talking about umbrellas one day in may this one time and I totally banged his mom before except also not entirely, just sort of." -Kafka
DJ RitzFit: haha
DJ RitzFit: "My buttcheeks is warm." - Karl Marx
Johnny7 686: hahahaah
I think it's funny that I thought that was a real adolph quote.
Oh look at me, updating twice in one day. FANCY FANCY FANCY!
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Hello my saucy... little homemade caramels.
I do this radio show on Tuesday nights from midnight to three normally, but since summer my friend got the slot right after mine from three to six. So last night I was up in the radio booth till five in the morning. And it's funny cause I went in at midnight and I share the show with this girly named Aria. Aria's pretty damn annoying and she thinks it's oh so clever and hilarious to have one of her friends come up and moonlight as a "sex doctor," convincing people to call in with all their sexual questions. It's like some gimmicky sweeps week bullshit which infuriarates me because most of the time he's just trying to get women to call in and admit they masturbate, but of course none do because it's retarded and two O'clock in the morning.
I think that is dangerous for a couple of reasons. Two weeks ago some drunk guy called in and had a real problem with his girlfriend. I can't remember off the top of my head what it was but the "sex doctor" just bullshit his way through the conversation. Then, when he hung up he made one of those "Yeeeesh" faces and started laughing. What if that drunk guy went and beat his girlfriend because of his advice.
This story doesn't have any punchline or anything. Except, that Ryan, my chum with the three to six show, and I sat around for an hour and a half badmouthing Aria, the girl I have the show with CAUSE SHE'S A FUCKING MORON!
Everyone needs to understand this college radio station is run by the most granola people Bozeman has and they all just love playing music, but Aria ruins that. If someone who had never heard the station before tuned in on her part they'd be disgusted. Last night they spent two hours talking about ass-slapping. And if you giggled just than at that sentence, it wasn't anywhere near being funny.
If any of you ever want to listen to the show, which I'll be hosting solo next week http://www.kglt.net and listen to the streaming audio. And remember that's midnight to three mountain standard time.
I love you guys.
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Tuesday, August 16th, 2005
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| Time: | 11:57 am. |
| Mood: |  dirty. |
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Dear journal,
Either something has gone wrong in the mind of all women or I have turned into a slut. Probably both, no, wait, the slut thing. HAHAHAHAHAHA BONER CANDY MOUNTAIN!
I just got back from LA. I was there with a class. Are you happy now?! LOOK WHAT I'VE DONE TO MYSELF! As I posted last time I have absolutely no worries about getting into the "biz" and doing well for myself. But who knows because I kept hearing this phrase "chew you up and spit you out." I think if LA tried to chew me up it'd break its teeth. DUR DUR DUR! Honestly though, I don't know what all these "industry professional" assholes* are whining about.
Well anyways, I'm back and here to stay. I was going to go to New York and visit Alec and Zack and this girl that goes to NYU, but that never played out due to cash-
I can't even write on livejournal anymore. I tell myself I need to sit down and inform everyone about my going-ons but I can't. They're so boring thses days. And I never feel like it's appropriate to post the juicy stuff, ya know? I think I will anyways.
I went out for beers last night at a bowling alley because literally half the kids in town are there getting drunk since Monday is one dollar beer and bowl night. So I was there with some friends from the film program trying not to talk about film because we always end up scaring away everyone else. As per normal when I go out drinking I usually end up talking solely to a girl, either someone I came with or someone I met there. I hate spending the last hour at a bar talking with a guy because I feel very unfulfilled, so i try and make sure I'm talking to a girl by a certain time. Well I was lucky enough to have the rapt attention of not only one girl but also her roommate.
Well, we did all the normal drunk stuff; called our friend in Wyoming, made fun of the guys who weren't talking with girls at this point in the night, and made out. So then our gay friend and his boyfriend wanted to leave and go party at their house. Fine, on the way there, we mooned people and flashed people.
The rest is a little blurry and exciting, but I woke up this morning at 5:30 in the bed of the girl's roommate because the pillow my head was placed on was buzzing loudly. It stopped and I went to sleep, but not before being extremely confused about where I was, because I had fallen asleep on a futon downstairs and somehow was upstairs in the bed of a girl I just met earlier that day with her arm and leg over me. We didn't have sex. I'll clear that up right now. But of course I was really concerned with where I was and how the fuck I had gotten there. But I fell back asleep anyways.
Five minutes later the same buzzing pillow. I was still extremely drunk and a buzzing pillow was causing me a lot of distress. But I just fell back asleep. Five minutes later, same thing. This time I threw off the arm and sat up. "Okay, you're too drunk to drive, but at least you can figure out why the pillow is growling at you." That's what I thought, that the pillow was growling at me. "Figure this out. You're smart when you're drunk!"
I looked under the pillow and it was a cell phone plugged into the charger. "Okay a cell phone. Unplug it, take away its power, and go back to sleep." Which is what I did. I unplugged the phone but left it under the pillow and went back to sleep. Apparently I'm not smart when I'm drunk, because five minutes later the phone was growling again.
I was so confused and this girl was snoring too, and I was very very unhappy. So, I got up, managed to stumble across the room and right outside her room this kid Matt was sleeping in the hallway. I stepped over him and found my way downstairs. I really wanted to leave and go home and sleep in my own bed but I couldn't cause I was still drunk and falling asleep in my contacts made my eyes feel like I had rubbed woodchips in them.
I got downstairs and nestled on the futon. It was freezing downstairs and the only blanket in the room was soaking wet for some reason which sucked when I pulled it onto me. Then, there was this really loud annoying hum going on from somewhere unknown. I got up and found it, it was the fan over the stove. I stood exhausted above the stove, resting on my arms and in my most exasperated voice said outloud, "What is happening to me? How do I turn this noise off? I want to sleep." I actually said this out loud and then stood there, head drooped, falling back asleep. I woke myself up, found the fan switch, and slept on the futon for a couple hours until all the other roommates started getting up and getting ready for work.
I woke up the girl I made out with, said goodbye and got the fuck out of there.
I haven't looked back since.
Maybe I'll start making posts like this. Ones that showcase my retarded sexual exploits. That'd be fun.
By the way I saw Claire's band in LA and they were great. When I saw them I was filled with an intense pride, but I was kind of drunk too. Then Claire felt proud too, I guess, and showed it by not returning any of my calls.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, August 10th, 2005
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I think everyone who works in the film industry is way overdramatic. Everyone is saying they were lucky to get any kind of work buit actually they all seem like very nice smart people. I don't think luck has much to do with anything besides contraception.
By the way, I'm in LA on this class where students wander around town and meet with industry pros. I'll update more later when I don't have to pay so much for this crap.
I really don't have too many worries about actually making something of myself down here, cause I'm having fun and I don't do enough drugs to slow down my brain.
HAHA, yeah right, I don't do drugs, Mom.
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djritzfitz's journal
full.
scared.
lazy.
dorky.
mellow.
horny.
toot.